Monday, 1 February 2016

Valentine's Day Jokes and Funny Stories 2016

Valentine's Day Jokes and Funny Stories 2016

St Valentine's Day Funny Stories and JokesValentine's day stories and pictures

As ever, Will and Guy have a mixture.  For Valentine's day we have jokes, funny pictures, strange but stories and even poems for romantics.
'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all'.  Samuel Butler

The Perfect Lovers' Island Discovered Valentine's Island

A tiny heart-shaped island in the Adriatic Sea has become a holiday hit for St Valentine's Day after being discovered on Google Earth. Even the uninhabited island's owner didn't realise how perfectly heart-shaped the island off the Croatian coast was until he was swamped with requests from lovers to stay there.
'It has been incredible. We think it is the most perfect heart-shaped island in the world,' said Vlado Juresko, whose family owns the 130,000 square yard islet of Galesnjak, hastily renamed "Lovers' Island". 'Nobody lives there so if lovers really do want to spend time alone it's the perfect desert island. We always thought it looked a bit like a heart but since it's been on Google Earth everyone else has seen it too and the whole world seems to want to stay here.'

Valentine Quotes

'Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.' Mae West.
Q: Who sends a thousand valentine's cards signed, 'guess who'?
A: A divorce lawyer.
Q: What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
A: One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.

Valentine Poem - My Own Sweet Valentine

Like the sweetly budding rose, Old Valentine's Day Card
Freshened by the gentle rain
Like the Evening Star that glows,
Brightest of the starry train
Like a well arranged Bouquet,
Where the fairest flowers combine,
Odours rich and colours gay,
Is my own Sweet Valentine

My Love

1st time I saw u I was scared 2 touch u.
1st time I touched u I was scared 2 kiss u.
1st time I kiss u I was scared 2 love u,
But now dat I love u im scared 2 lose u.

Romantic Valentine's Day Quotes for February 14th

One makes mistakes; that is life. But it is never a mistake to have loved.
Romain Rolland
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
Thomas Robert Dewar
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Aristotle
Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Sarah Bernhardt
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry

Oscar Wilde's Take on Marriage

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.   See more of Oscar Wilde's Quotes

Can we come back tomorrow?

A couple were having marital problems. They decided together to do the right thing and they contacted a marriage guidance counsellor.
Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of listening carried out. Eventually the the counsellor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the women and asking her to stand up he gave her a huge cuddle.
He turned to the husband man and said, 'This is what your wife needs, at least once every day.'
The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, 'Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?'

Valentine Shock

St Valentine 'Not the saint of love'
Britain's Roman Catholic Church is advising lovelorn singles to direct their 14 February requests for love to St Raphael, rather than St Valentine.  Over the years St Valentine has come incorrectly to be associated with finding love, the Church says.  He is the patron saint for those who have already found their soul mate.  St Raphael is the patron saint for happy encounters and it is to him those fearing the Valentine's post should properly direct their prayers.

A True 'Valentine' Story - Michael YoungA true valentine story

A man who fell in love with a fellow passenger onboard a flight got the airline to help him track her down. Michael Young fell for Juliet Lever on a Flybe flight from Belfast to Newcastle. Juliet, who was in seat 2B, and Michael, who was in 2C, hit it off instantly. Sadly, Michael was too shy to ask Juliet for her number. He confirmed this on the Victoria Derbyshire show on BBC Radio 5 Live today. [October 2006] 
He pined for her so much after they parted that he contacted the airline and begged bosses to ask her to get in touch. They obliged and Juliet, 29, phoned him and they agreed to go out to dinner. A whirlwind romance followed and they are to get married next month.
Juliet, who now lives with Michael in Manchester, said, 'Every girl dreams of a fairytale romance and you couldn't get better than this.'
Flybe's Head of Customer Relations, Ella Jones commented, 'Michael's tale pulled heart strings so we played cupid.'

Valentine Day Limerick - The Old Man of Lyme

There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked, 'Why a third?'
He replied, 'One's absurd!
And bigamy, Sir, is a crime.'

Thoughtful Valentine's PresentValentine's day jokes

Peter, who was in his early 20's, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Peter thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'
Peter retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

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